What Happened?

I'll tell you what happened. I got so used to being busy as a student, I forgot how to be busy as a regular person. Seriously. I don't know what to do with myself and all this "free/no-homework-having" time available to me. I'm on path to create my own structure. And it's harder than I thought. 

 My new job as an independently contracted social worker is teaching me how to structure my own time. I'm not on a regular Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 pm office schedule. The flexibility can be lovely!...except, I'm not so used to it and am having to adjust to being my own boss, essentially. For example, I've been staying up late every night and sleeping until 9 o'clock every morning, because I have nothing really to get me up at a certain hour. Some may say, how lucky! 

No schedule! 

No need to wake up in the early hours of the morning! 

And to that, I say, it is pretty nice to not be required to get up early to get to a job at a certain hour. But, it has its down sides. It makes me feel unproductive, but a big part of that is simply that my work is not very busy right now. I just interviewed for a second job that would make me quite a bit busier, if I got hired. Actually, if I got the job, I would go from lots and lots of down time to not very much at all, and I'm all for that. I'm used to that, as a student. 

And now's the time to be a busy worker bee and make work my life. I need the money and I got the time. If I don't get a second job right now, then some other form of structure will be put in place. I can only handle so much down time.

These Are the Days...

...of my life. Babies!

Forrest and Lucas

Genevieve

Forrest

 

 

Chapter 31

If I were to write a novel about my life (I guess they call those autobiographies), the title of this personal blog site, "If Not Now, When?," would be its title. That phrase reigns from one of my favorite Jimmy Eat World songs "Goodbye Harbor": And the mindless comfort grows When I'm alone with my 'great' plans And this is what she says gets her through it "If I don't let myself be happy now, then when? If not now, when?" Never a truer statement and one that I am required to re-learn often. VERY often. 

I've been catching myself complaining a lot lately (big surprise) -- with the adjustment of a new job, the distant location of my parents' house where I currently reside, being without companionship --there's a lot of new things to critique in my life. I don't mean to be negative, really. I feel like I'm just stating fact and am being honest with others about my feelings. There are people who keep their feelings to themselves and just deal with it. Then, there are others who can't keep anything to themselves and are in denial of the fact that they share too much, way too often. 

And then there's me. I fall somewhere in between those two types of people; I sometimes keep feelings to myself, but more often share them with others, and I know it. No denial, here. I'm an open book. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Add another cliché about sharing TMI. It's all true. But at least I become conscious of the fact that I'm sharing too much, especially when it's negative. 

So here, today, the start of this new blog, I pledge that I will be more positive in general, but especially about my life at this moment in time. 

I live rent free. 

I get to spend tons of time with my family. 

I hold sweet, new babies every day

I help people through difficult situations for a living. 

See, lately I've been complaining about different aspects of the things listed above. Driving to and from my parents' house every day is hard because they live so far from everything else, but it's a beautiful home and I pay nothing for it. I've complained about being single and childless, but I know my time will come, and in the meantime, I can spend so much time with my family. And my new job does not provide me with a 40-hour work week right now, but the work I do is vital and rewarding. And hey, I have a job. 

So, there it is. Or, rather, here it is. My new blog for this new chapter.